It was worse than I thought.

If you are weirded out/bored by female hormone medical stuff, you probably should skip this post. I'm writing this all down for a couple of reasons, 1) there are a few people who have been waiting to know all of this and it is easier to inform them all at once and 2) I'm feeling the need to put this down in writing for the therapeutic effect that it will (I hope) have.

So once again, I'm going to try to write this post. I have started and stopped it at least six or seven times in the last week or so. I needed a few days to wrap my head around it, I guess. 

Most of you know that I have been feeling icky this last year, with all kinds of random problems that can basically be summed up by saying that I have not felt like my body is my own anymore. After doing a six week hormone panel, I got the results back two weeks ago and we found that basically, my body is having pretty serious trouble regulating any of my hormone levels. Everything was off balance and/or bouncing all over the place. But the most serious was my estrogen and progesterone levels. My estrogen levels were unbelievably high, in a condition called estrogen dominance. 

Estrogen levels that high are dangerous, causing all kinds of terrible things like breast cancer, uterine fibroids or bone loss. An imbalance like this also causes hypothyroidism, which explains how terrible I have been feeling, but also brings along a whole other host of issues.

And my progesterone levels are horrible.

 And with progesterone levels this low, pregnancy is nearly impossible. With levels this low, getting pregnant would be a miracle and, even if I were to pull off that miracle, I would have very high chances of a miscarriage. My doctor says that it can generally be reversed in women my age, but I have wanted to be a mother since I was three years old and the thought of infertility or miscarriage is terrifying to me. There is this lurking fear in the corner of my soul that I am having trouble shaking off. 

We have a plan now. I'm following an estrogen detox program and taking Diindolylmethane to increase my estrogen metabolism. Progesterone cream to increase those levels. A ton of vitamins and supplements that increase absorption and effectiveness of aforementioned things and to support my liver which is going to be working overtime to (hopefully) pull all this estrogen out of my blood. 

I am trying to be at peace with this and doing what I can to support my body as I try to shift this imbalance. 

I am reminding myself that there are people all over the world who are in terrible pain or suffering and that I should be grateful for the resources and medical care that I have access to.  

I am trying to remember that, even if this is not correctable, everything happens for a reason and that there will always be a purpose, a lesson or a silver lining to this even if I can't see it now.